I have been doing a lot of thinking about, praying about, reading about and actually living out some serious parenting recently. Ben is growing up - fast. I am amazed everyday by how much he has changed/grown and how quickly it is happening. When he was an infant I could always sense when things were about to change (i.e.: nap schedule adjustments, changing the amount formula or food he needed at each feeding, etc.) and could almost stay one step ahead so that transitions were practically seamless and he, because he was a great baby, pretty much always responded well to my adjustments to his life and we all kept moving forward - happy and satisfied. We are not so far removed from those days, but I already find myself yearning for the simplicity of those "problems." :-)
It's obvious to me that Ben is making a pretty big transition right now from being a toddler to being a school-age kid whose starting to see and interact with the world and me in a whole new way. While I guess I knew this time would come, it's kind of snuck up on me and I find I am not as prepared to deal with the challenges as readily as would like. Perhaps you experienced parents out there would tell me that this is only the beginning of many, many years of being unprepared for what my child is going to throw at me! :-)
Through talking with other parents, talking with Jeff, reading most of "Shepherding A Child's Heart" by Tedd Tripp (like my awesome sis-in-law, Kim), and, strangely enough, studying the book of Jonah in Sunday School at church, I have learned quite a lot about what I think the goal of my parenting should be. I believe that my job as Ben's mother is to, as Dr. Tripp put it, shepherd Ben's heart. I am supposed to love him, teach him, guide him, protect him, care for him - yes, all of that - but even more so I am supposed to guide him using the Word and the daily example of my word and deeds to live a godly life. When he does wrong I am supposed to do more thank correct his outward behavior - his heart must be penetrated with God's truth so that he not only sees that WHAT he did was wrong but that his HEART'S MOTIVATIONS for doing it was wrong too.
So what does that look like day in and day out? I am still parsing that out. On the one hand I have in the past been very strict, almost heavy handed when it comes to discipline and God does compel parents to discipline their children. On other hand God is gracious and merciful where I am often angry and unforgiving. So the result thus far has been a lot more and certainly deeper conversations with Ben about God - about His ways, His Word, His expectations - and a whole lot of me apologizing for being cruel where I should be gentle, being permissive where I should stand firm, and being honest with Ben about my own shortcomings so that he knows its okay to fail and to seek forgiveness. Is it working? I don't know. Yes? Maybe? Perhaps only time will tell. I just pray that God can use me in spite of myself to raise Ben up to be a godly man who loves Him with all his heart, soul, mind, and strength.
3 comments:
Heather, I was harder with my daughter who was the oldest, but eased up by the time my son came along. All I know is that if I had it to do again, I'd slow down because those years are gone as quick as a blink. I was strict in many ways and a push-over in other ways. I'm still that way. And I learned to apologize when I'm wrong. My own mother never, never apologized to me, and she would not allow me to have an opinion. I swore I'd never be like that. I do get angry; I do lose my temper; I do make mistakes. But I will apologize if I need to. Ben is blessed to have you and Jeff who know what it is like to work hard and who know how to love deeply.
I like that, the part about his heart's motivations to do wrong. That really made me think. One thing I read recently is that our job is to help our children have joy. The God made man to have joy: Men are that they might have joy. So we have to help them and in doing that we will be giving them all the tools they need to be righteous people.
Just the fact that you're thinking these things, trying to be a better parent, apologizing for whatever, shows you are an awesome mom. And that Ben is helping you to be the best you can just as you are helping him. Cool, huh?
Thanks, Chip. I love you!
:-)
BTW: You READ something?!?!? Congrats! ;-P :-)
I agree that God desires for man to be joyful and that the only way we can be is through a right relationship with Him. I think our main purpose is to glorify God and to enjoy Him; through Him and through our glorification of Him, we do find our joy.
Post a Comment